Tim Tebow Declares for NFL Draft, Urban Meyer Lands "Dream Job" (Satire)
When Tim Tebow declared early for the NFL Draft after winning his second National Championship at the University of Florida, pundits everywhere thought it was the end of the world for Urban Meyer and the Gators, and the beginning of great things for Tim Tebow.
Five years later, those wise guys have faded into obscurity after going down in history for making the worst prediction in sports history.
The media's love affair with Tebow went to his head, and resulting criticism affected him even further. His competitive nature got the best of him.
"People said his efforts abroad for the less fortunate were all for show," his father, Bob, said. "Something snapped inside."
Tebow led a band of loyal followers to the Philippines, his place of birth, changed his name to "Lord Timmy," and hasn't been heard from since.
"Timmy's Tribe" has been spotted in India, Djibouti, and Central America doing missionary work.
As for Meyer, with Tebow gone and two BCS titles under his belt, he felt his work was done with the Gators.
"The recruiting had reached a high point, but how do you rebound from losing the greatest player in college football history?" he asked. "You don't. It just so happened there was a vacancy for a job I have dreamed of having for years."
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was seeking a replacement head coach for the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
Though Meyer had no experience coaching Quidditch, he had become familiar with the sport.
"Two of my children (Gigi and Nathan) were big into the Harry Potter books," he said. "When I would come home late, I liked to snag the books and sneak downstairs to read them. Guilty pleasure or not, coaching at Hogwarts became my dream job. I never thought it would actually happen."
With an impressive resume, and a very solid recruiting ability, Hogwarts headmaster Severus Snape decided to make the hire.
"Meyer is magic on the field," Snape said. "He does some remarkable things as a coach."
In his five years at the helm, Meyer has led Gryffindor to the Quidditch Cup at Hogwarts each year, earning the No. 1 ranking in the world for an astounding 215 consecutive weeks.
His team has also won tournaments in Japan, Poland, and Luxembourg.
"Not having the NCAA breathing down my back is beautiful," Meyer said. "There are no strict eligibility or recruiting rules, so I take advantage of every opportunity I didn't have in college football."
Meyer pushed the envelope at first, challenging every rule posing a threat to his dominance of the sport.
"It turns out they don't enforce anything," he said. "And the school doesn't seem to be restricted by financial issues, so I can pretty much offer to pay people whatever they want."
Harry Potter, in his 11th year as seeker, has led Gryffindor in the air each year. By far the longest tenured member of Meyer's squad, Potter is the only player remaining from the pre-Meyer era.
Meyer, through exceptional recruiting, has lured several stars away from their respective sports. Former football star Brett Favre, baseball pitcher Jake Peavy, and softball strikeout machine Angela Tincher serve as chasers, with baseball Hall of Famer Barry Bonds playing alongside Sidney Crosby, a star in the now-extinct National Hockey League as beaters.
NFL defensive great Ed Reed is the keeper, and Rickey Henderson is the backup seeker.
"Rickey likes having another chance to be great," Henderson said. "Rickey should be in the Quidditch Hall of Fame. Rickey, Rickey, Rickey."
As for the Gators, they rebounded remarkably well without Meyer and Tebow.
They hired former University of Buffalo head coach Turner Gill, who picked up right where Meyer left off. Gill has led Florida to three SEC championships and a National Title in his five seasons in Gainesville.
Copyright (c) 2008 Bleacher Report, Inc.
Brown steps up big as UConn overcomes fumbles, thwarts Buffalo
TORONTO -- Donald Brown and a stout defense helped Connecticut overcome a fumble-prone performance.
Brown, the nation's leading rusher, ran for a career-best 261 yards -- including 208 in the first half -- and scored a touchdown in what might be his final college game, and UConn defeated Buffalo 38-20 in the International Bowl on Saturday.
The Huskies (8-5) overcame five first-half turnovers and a 20-10 deficit to win their second bowl game in three appearances since joining the Big East in 2004.
The Mid-American champion Bulls (8-6) had their breakout season under coach Turner Gill end with a loss in their bowl debut. James Starks scored on a 4-yard run for the Bulls, who scored all 20 points off turnovers, but were unable to get their potent offense in gear.
The Huskies went ahead for good 10 minutes into the third quarter when Tyler Lorenzen completed his first pass, a 4-yarder to tight end Steve Brouse for a 24-20 lead. After Lorenzen scored on a 15-yard scamper with 4:44 left, Huskies linebacker Dahna Deleston dealt the final blow. He returned Drew Willy's interception 100 yards for a touchdown with 2:15 remaining.
The touchdown -- matching the longest interception return in UConn history -- ended Buffalo's final chance to get back into the game, coming when Willy's attempt to Naaman Roosevelt at the goal line bounced off the receiver's hands and to Deleston. The score rewarded the Huskies' defense for a strong effort. UConn limited Buffalo to a mere 237 yards and 10 first downs -- and five through three quarters.
Brown, on the other hand, was unstoppable. Only Huskies coach Randy Edsall's decision to get some of his other runners involved in the second half, kept Brown's totals down.
The talented junior scored on a 45-yard run, and his 75-yarder was a career high and set up Lorenzen's 12-yard touchdown run late in the first half.
Brown's 18th TD of the season set a single-season school record. He fell 17 yards short of UConn's single-game rushing record, set by Nick Giaquinto in 1976. He also fell short of the International Bowl mark of 280 set last year set by Rutgers' Ray Rice.
After vowing last month that he would return for his senior season, Brown is mulling whether to apply for the NFL draft in April.
The Huskies opened the game looking much like the team that committed five turnovers in a regular season-ending 34-10 loss to Pittsburgh. The first half was a comedy of errors in which the Huskies muffed two punts and a kickoff and also lost two of three fumbles.
Buffalo's Ray Anthony Long recovered Jasper Howard's muffed punt in the end zone. Howard failed to make an over-the-shoulder catch of Peter Fardon's punt at the UConn 13, and then inadvertently kicked the ball into the end zone.
Starks' score came after another Huskies' miscue. Robbie Frey had a kickoff go off his hand and into the end zone.
Rather than downing the ball for what would've been a touchback, Frey ran the ball out and had it jarred loose by Justin Winters and recovered by Buffalo's John Syty at the UConn 4.
Among those in attendance were about two-dozen members of Buffalo's 1958 team, the players wearing UB jerseys and lining up on the Bulls' sideline during the national anthem, and took the field during the captains' meeting. The players were honored guests, and noted for their stand for rejecting Buffalo's only other bowl bid 50 years ago because of a rule that barred black players from competing with whites on the same field at the Tangerine Bowl.
2008 ESPN Internet Ventures
Cal eager to test Miami mystique in Emerald Bowl
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- When Worrell Williams was a star high school linebacker in Sacramento, his college choice came down to nearby California or exotic Miami, where his older brother was a star.
Although he decided to stay close to home, Williams knows more than most of his fellow Golden Bears about the unique Miami mystique they'll face in the Emerald Bowl.
"That's an amazing program," Williams said. "With the history they have there, and just the whole atmosphere around the University of Miami, it's an honor to be on the same field with them. But still, we also think we can beat them. We're going in expecting to win."
A baseball stadium packed with shivering Cal fans will have much the same thoughts Saturday night when the Golden Bears (8-4) essentially host Miami (7-5) in the seventh edition of the game, but the first featuring one of the Bay Area's two Pac-10 schools.
The Bears traversed the Bay Bridge repeatedly this week, going from a hotel in the city to their regular practice fields in Berkeley to prepare for their sixth straight bowl appearance under coach Jeff Tedford. Yet Tedford doesn't see a huge advantage in being home, aside from a free trip to Alcatraz and the support of Cal's fans, who snapped up every available ticket - including roughly half of Miami's allotment.
"These are two very evenly matched teams, actually," said Tedford, who's 4-1 in bowl games. "Both of them have a lot of speed. All the speed that's on the field is going to be very exciting for our fans."
After missing the postseason in 2007 in head coach Randy Shannon's debut campaign, Miami was eager to get back into bowl action, even if it meant traveling across the country for the holidays and practicing at City College of San Francisco in the bone-chilling rainy weather for which the city is known.
The Hurricanes lost their last two games and missed the chance to play for the ACC championship, but Cal's mix of speed and experience - along with its 3-4 defense - provides plenty of challenges to a program hoping to take its biggest step forward in Shannon's rebuilding project.
"I watch football late at night, and I see a lot of Pac-10 games," Shannon said. "We know about Cal. They're a very run-oriented team, but they can take shots downfield as well. There's going to be a lot of speed on both sides, but you'll also see two tough teams. I know it's going to be a great TV game, that's for sure."
Miami hasn't played in California since the 2002 Rose Bowl victory that completed its national championship run in the 2001 season, and the Hurricanes haven't faced Cal since 1990. Yet the Bears know all about them, with linebacker Zack Follett clearly remembering Clinton Portis, Jeremy Shockey, Ed Reed and various other stars of that title team.
"They signify college football, basically," Follett said. "I remember when they won that championship, I had my Miami sweat shirt on. I'm sure every kid did at that time, even out here in California. They're just cool."
The current Hurricanes' biggest concern might be at quarterback, where baby-faced freshman Jacory Harris will make his second career start. Harris played extensively this season behind Robert Marve, who was suspended for the Emerald Bowl for missing classes and is believed to be weighing his transfer options since it's probable he wouldn't be Miami's starter next season.
But it's tough to rattle Harris, who hasn't lost a start in his last three years of high school and college ball.
"I'm not worried about the game, not having any butterflies," Harris said. "There's a standard to live up to, but it's also just a game, and it's going to be fun."
Cal also made a change in its never-ending quarterback competition when Nate Longshore was promoted past Kevin Riley for the final time this week. Longshore, the often-booed senior, spent most of the regular season behind Riley, although Longshore started three games and played most of the finale against Washington.
With Tedford unable to settle on a quarterback this season, the Bears' offense has excelled because of running back Jahvid Best, the fleet-footed sophomore who hopes to nail down the Pac-10 rushing title with one last big game. Best averages 8.0 yards per carry after inflating his stats a bit with 311 yards during the blowout finale against the Huskies, but his speed and elusiveness are entirely real.
Miami might be better equipped than most defenses to slow down Best. Team speed is among the Hurricanes' greatest assets, much of it a product of Shannon's recruiting efforts in South Florida. They'll need every bit of it to keep up with Best and fellow running back Shane Vereen, who also can burn up the turf.
"We take pride in our pursuit of the ball," Miami linebacker Glenn Cook said. "We may not be one of the bigger defenses a team will face, but the way we pursue sets us apart."
Copyright (c) 2008 The Associated Press
Big hit is the best moment for Laurinaitis
COLUMBUS -- He gets lost in his thought for a moment. James Laurinaitis is describing the greatest feeling in football, the rare opportunity that make the practices and the workouts and the films sessions all worth it.
"The most beautiful thing you can do is when you're rushing a quarterback and you get let free from the backside, coming from the quarterback's back, and I don't get let free too many times, and he has no idea you're behind him. That's the best thing," Laurinaitis said, coming back from his daydream. "If you come from the back and they don't see you, they're totally defenseless, and they have nothing .... I'd pay for a hit like that."
They haven't all been from the back, but Ohio State's senior middle linebacker has had his share of quarterback moments this season, his hits on Michigan State's Brian Hoyer, Penn State's Daryll Clark, Illinois' Juice Williams and Michigan's Nick Sheridan, all in the second half of the season, helping to send to those signal callers to the bench to recover at least for a bit.
After Laurinaitis spent some early games playing steady and solid, if not frightening football, Ohio State's coaches wanted to find more ways to get him free. It at least seemed from there out that the Laurinaitis had more chances each game to pressure the quarterback and blitz from the edge.
"I don't know if it was I was freed up more or if the game started coming to you," Laurinaitis said. "Hoyer was a [bootleg] and the [middle] linebacker has the freedom to go and I got him. Some of those were iffy on being late, but I think you have that respect.
"Clark was just a scramble and I was in coverage and I came up and tried to pop him. And Juice, we had the mindset to attack Illinois in the spread rather than sit back. ... And the hit on Sheridan was one of the best."
Laurinaitis is still shocked he has nine career interceptions, and he ranks second in career tackles among active college players. But these quarterback pops have provided him with more of the highlights he cherishes. And they can change the game.
"If you get the quarterback scared, then the whole offense is going to be a little off," Laurinaitis said. "There are times when you hit a quarterback, and I'm not going to name names, but you can hit them and the next time you come on the edge, they'll start scrambling even though you've been picked up on a block.
"They see you get blocked, but they don't want to take it any more. And that's a good feeling."
In the Fiesta Bowl against Texas, Laurinaitis knows he'll find a quarterback in junior Colt McCoy who is big enough to take a hit.
"He's tough. He always gets right up and keeps battling," Laurinaitis said.
You know Laurinaitis would love one more quarterback crunch before his time at Ohio State is done.
NFL effect: Playing in the same state as the Browns and Bengals, Ohio State players may have a skewed view of the NFL, but the Buckeyes should get some exposure to a playoff team on their bowl trip.
The Arizona Cardinals, who have clinched the NFC West despite their blowout loss to New England on Sunday, will host a playoff game in University of Phoenix Stadium either the Saturday or Sunday before the Fiesta Bowl on Monday, Jan. 5. The typical pregame media day at the stadium has already been moved to a hotel, and the Buckeyes' access to the stadium will depend on when the playoff game takes place.
The Phoenix area also hosts Kansas vs. Minnesota in the Insight Bowl at Sun Devil Stadium on Dec. 31.
"So there's going to be plenty of football for all you football junkies," Tressel said.
(c)2008 Cleveland Live, Inc.
Wyoming great Novacek to be inducted
LARAMIE, Wyo. (AP) - 1 of the greatest athletes in University of Wyoming history will be recognized this week.
Jay Novacek will be honored on Tuesday night as 1 of 15 inductees in the 2008 College Football Hall of Fame Class.
The ceremony will take place in New York City.
Novacek was a Consensus All-America tight end at Wyoming in 1984. He still holds the NCAA record for highest average gain per reception in a single season by a tight end, averaging 22.6 yards per catch in 1984.
He also placed fourth in the decathlon at the NCAA Championships his senior season, earning All-America honors in track and field.
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Vote for Penn State plays in 'Game Changing Performance of the Year'
University Park, Pa. -- Penn State is one of 13 schools vying for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year. A $100,000 general scholarship contribution from Pontiac is on the line for the play voted best of the year by the fans.
Penn State was voted as the Pontiac Game Changing Performance for weeks eight and nine of the 2008 football season. As a result, Penn State earned a total general scholarship contribution of $10,000 from Pontiac.
In week eight, junior defensive tackle Jared Odrick sacked Michigan quarterback Nick Sheridan in the end zone for a safety, sparking a second half comeback win over Michigan 17-14. In week nine, it was a key defensive play that helped then-ranked #3 Penn State prevail with a 13-6 victory over #9 Ohio State. Freshman linebacker Navorro Bowman recovered a fumble forced by senior safety Mark Rubin late in the game to set up a game-clinching touchdown for the Nittany Lions.
Now it is up to the fans to determine if the Nittany Lions will receive the ultimate $100,000 scholarship contribution by voting at pontiac.com/ncaa. There will be four rounds of voting and the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year and winner of the scholarship contribution will be announced during the BCS National Championship on Jan. 8 on FOX.
In addition, for the next four weeks one individual who visits pontiac.com/ncaa will win a Pontiac G6 and a trip for six to this year's BCS National Championship in Miami.
The Pontiac Game Changing Performance recognizes the most dramatic moments that occur in NCAA games across the country, moments that change the outcome of the game or define a season. The program provides fans the opportunity to vote on the performance they believe is the biggest game changer.
Coach Joe Paterno's Nittany Lions are ranked No. 8 in this week's BCS standings and will play in the Rose Bowl on Jan. 1, 2009. Penn State is No. 6 in the Associated Press, USA Today Coaches and Harris Interactive polls.
Penn State will be playing in its 35th bowl game under Paterno (23rd New Year's bowl), who is the all-time leader in bowl appearances and wins (23-10-1 record).
The Pennsylvania State University (c) 2002-2008
Missouri Assistant Named Head Coach at Wyoming
The architect of the offense that vaulted Missouri back to national prominence and helped make quarterback Chase Daniel the school's first Heisman Trophy finalist is moving on to become the next head coach at Wyoming.
Missouri coach Gary Pinkel confirmed Monday that his offensive coordinator, Dave Christensen, would take the Wyoming job vacated when Joe Glenn was fired Nov. 23 after four losing seasons in six years.
"I don't know if it's been announced yet, but he will be taking the head coaching job at Wyoming," Pinkel said on the Big 12 conference call Monday. "I'm very proud of him, and I think it's a great reflection on our program. He's just done a great job."
Christensen, who transformed Missouri's offense by bringing in the spread in 2005, will be the first assistant coach to depart from Pinkel's staff since he was hired in 2001. He actually has been with Pinkel much longer than that, serving as his offensive line coach for four years and offensive coordinator for another four at Toledo.
Pinkel said Christensen would remain with the 19th-ranked Tigers through the Big 12 championship game Saturday against No. 3 Oklahoma and whatever bowl game they play in, although he'll devote some time to hiring a staff and recruiting for Wyoming.
"He'll finish his responsibilities. That's his desire," Pinkel said.
Christensen's offense at Missouri ranked fourth in the nation with a 45-point average and was also fourth in passing (344 yards per game) and sixth in total offense (509 ypg).
"He's going to take that program to levels it's never seen," said Daniel, who is fourth in the nation with 3,880 yards passing and ranks fifth in total offense and seventh in passer rating.
"What he's going to bring is an offense that's just insane. It's a player's dream to play under a coach like that. The type of things he does on the offensive side of the football are second to none. He's a genius ... and it's really shown over the last two or three years here."
Christensen played at Washington from 1980-82, when Pinkel was an assistant coach there. After several stops, including high schools and a junior college, Christensen broke into the major college coaching ranks at Washington in 1989 as an offensive line coach for Pinkel, who was then the offensive coordinator.
The two were together for an 11-0-1 season at Toledo in 1995, but found their greatest success after the dramatic change in his offense for the 2005 season. Missouri reached the No. 1 ranking last season.
Copyright (c)2008, Arkansas Business Limited Partnership. All rights reserved
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